Zes onbeantwoorde vragen in zombie films

RDJ134 19 juni 2012 om 16:45 uur

Na het zien van vele zombie films zijn er toch een hoop vragen waar we eigenlijk nooit antwoord of uitleg over krijgen. Want waarom is het zo moeilijk om te wachten tot ze letterlijk van rottigheid uit elkaar vallen, en het niet zo moeilijk hoeft te zijn om deze wandelende lijken buiten de deur te houden. Ian Forty van Cracked.com heeft zes van deze vragen nader bekeken, en ook ik stelde mijzelf altijd de vraag: Waarom hoeven zombies niet te poepen??


#3. Where Does the Food Go?

On one level, I understand film's reluctance to include this explanation on camera. After all, how many episodes of 24 included a 10-minute scene of Kiefer Sutherland on the crapper anyway, just pensively staring at his hands, wishing his unreliable insides would cut him some slack so he could go defuse a nuclear president, or whatever it was he did on that show? You try to avoid poop scenes because, in the words of Hitchcock, they're fucking silly. Weren't expecting that, were you? Neither was the cast of Vertigo.

A zombie movie doesn't need to completely devolve into a poop joke to take a moment to account for the simple problem of zombie biology. If they consume flesh, it needs to go somewhere; it's the same deal when I eat Taco Bell. It really is. World War Z made reference to their stomachs exploding, if I recall correctly, but no one on camera has addressed it. At some point, all that tasty man souffle is going to go somewhere, and it's not going to be pleasant. Not at all. Incidentally, I immediately regret the use of "souffle" in that metaphor, as it makes it sound far more sexual than I intended. You'll probably now wonder why I didn't bother to change it.

Why is this question important? Am I a fecalphiliac? Do I have an obsession with butts? This isn't about me, but I will accept butt photos and/or detailed descriptions if you have them handy. It's about a fictional world in which the primary danger to the very existence of humans as a species is a thing that uses eating as its chief weapon. There should be a stunning amount of zombie poop all over the world.

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